An important topic that must be discussed in daycare centers and preschools is the danger that strangers pose. To help keep children safe, child care professionals must help young children understand the definition of a stranger and be able to distinguish between a stranger and a safe adult.
What is a Stranger?
A stranger is anyone that a person doesn’t know very well. It can be difficult to teach children who strangers are depending on the age of the child. Children under the age of 7 may not understand what a stranger really is. “They often imagine a stranger as a bad, scary man. It is important to stress with children, especially younger ones, that strangers are simply someone you don’t know or someone you haven’t met, and to actually get away from the word ‘stranger’,” says Michael Behmer, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist, and Co-Creator of Chaos to Connection
By defining a stranger in this way, immediate family and close friends are excluded, but friendly people like the mailman or the cashier at the supermarket are included. Pam Adamchik, nationally-certified radKIDS instructor, explains that it is important to change the thinking that a stranger is someone they’ve never seen before in their lives as well as change the thinking that strangers wear black capes and hats and look scary, and that all strangers are bad while all people we know are good.
Strangers Versus Safe Adults
How does a child make the distinction between a stranger and a safe adult? Children can make the distinction not someone’s looks, but by their behavior. Explain that there are lots of good people in the world, but there are some “tricky” people as well.
Teachers/parents need to educate their children very specifically. For instance, when they are at the grocery store they need to tell them specifically who is a safe adult and who is not. For example, it's okay to talk to the checker and answer his questions, but not necessarily an adult who comes up to you out of nowhere.
“A general rule I use for my children helps them know which strangers are okay to talk to. I tell them if I am with them, it's okay to talk to a stranger. Otherwise, they should walk away and not talk to a stranger who approaches them,” says Suzy Martyn, parenting expert and author of Enjoy the Ride: Tools, Tips, and Inspiration for the Most Common Parenting Challenges [Mother's Friend Publishing, 2009].
“We tell the kids that a grownup should never ask a kid for help; they should ask other grownups. So, helping someone find their lost puppy, carry their groceries to the car, or even taking a letter from them to put into the mailbox…are ways that a bad person might try to trick us,” says Adamchik.
Adamchik also advises educators to make it clear that a good person will not do anything to try to hurt a kid, embarrass them, or make them feel uncomfortable while a bad person will try to trick them so they can hurt them. It is important to point out that a bad person will start out acting very nice and polite, but this is just part of how they try to fool us. Therefore if someone asks a child for help, or tries to get them to do something they know we shouldn’t do instruct them to yell and run to their safe person.
Behmer reminds educators teaching children about safety keep in mind that an incredibly small percentage of crimes are committed by people who are stranger to children. Sadly, the majority of sexual abuse is done by someone who the child knows, family members or friends, teachers, youth leaders, coaches. Therefore in teaching children about safe adults, it is important to arm children with the tools they need to know when an adult, stranger or friend, is being unsafe.
*Interviews with Michael Behmer, Pam Adamchik and Suzy Martyn were conducted in December, 2009.
Carla Snuggs - As a writer for Suite101.com since 2005, it is a privilege to continue on as theTopic Editor for the subject of Day Care. I received a ...
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